Facebook Stati

(I’m going to subtitle this list as ‘Scott Webster Wood in a Nutshell’, especially because it includes things like the ‘bowl of jello‘ quote)

Various ‘status’ messages I have posted to my Facebook:

Philosophy, Truth, Faith and Reason

• If you have standards that you wish to live by, by all means live up to them and demand the same from others around you. To do otherwise is to be disingenuous to yourself, to others and to those standards you hold.
  
• Proselytize accountability, responsibility, self-sufficiency and critical thinking!
  
• My only allegiance is to ‘reason’. My only duty is to my own self-interest. My only obligation is to the pursuit of both with the least imposition upon my fellow man.
  
  see also:
  • My New Mantra
  • My Axiom
• On religion and belief : Acting on one’s convictions leads to recidivism
  
• The biggest problem I have with religion is the fact they seem to have a problem with someone like me.
  
• Reason and atheism as an ‘alternative’ to religion? Religion ‘is’ the alternative!!! I’m reasonably confident that reality has been here longer than religion.
  
• Faith is a non-thought and an embracing of the non-real. It is a denial of objective reality and a negation of self. It is no wonder those bound by notions of faith cling so boldly to it even to their own demise. They do so as if their very existence hinges upon it being ‘real’. They do so, because it does.
  
• On religion as symbolic of man : 95% of the world believes in some form of God. Um ok, so what? Why not picture a tribal medicine man with bones thrust through his face, cutting off the head of a chicken dancing half naked then?
  Technological human society has existed for only a few centuries – if mysticism is representative of us, then the voodoo man is what is most representative of our ‘mysticism’ over our full human history!
  
• Talk about a ‘bad idea’ over and over and over again for long enough…. and it’s still a bad idea. (even if you manage to convince (some) people it’s not)
  
• He who dies with the most toys wins? Yeah right! What use are toys to the dead? He who dies with the most broken, worn out, bent and used up toys wins!
  
• If one’s purpose for doing something is based on an irrational motivation, the motivation can be said to be ‘unreasonable’. Another way of saying ‘unreasonable’ is ‘without reason’. If your purpose is without reason, then you might as well be acting ‘without purpose’.
  
  see also:
  • Purpose
• Just because a place has no one designated as a teacher does not prevent either teaching or learning from occuring. But many places ‘with’ teachers are full of people with no will or desire to learn.
  
• The person who can learn nothing from me has a closed mind. The person who can teach nothing to me is one I have never heard of before or as yet had the pleasure to meet.
  
• Any things of value can be described as beautiful, but things of beauty aren’t always necessarily valuable.
  
• Qualified outcomes result from qualified action.
  
• The topic of morals is often perceived as a ‘feeling’ or based on human emotion. Morals can be and should be based on reality and the nature of it. Without an objective basis for any idea, the idea is little more than opinion.
  
• Increasing one’s capacity for mental/willful volition need not mean changing ‘who’ you are, it simply means changing ‘how’ you are.
  
• There are only two scenarios where I am concerned with what others say about me. The first is when they say they are coming for my head. The other is when what they are saying may be (at least partially) accurate.
  
• Confronting the stupid for trying to effect me is a waste of time. Confronting idiots that don’t effect me would be a waste of time. To not confront idiots that do waste my time by trying to effect me, would be accepting that waste of time as valid and justified.
  
• Most people have a hard time achieving self-esteem because they think it comes from being content with what they ‘are’ today regardless of what they wanted yesterday. For me, it comes from being aware of what I ‘can’ be tomorrow and knowing that regardless if I will achieve it, I shall accept nothing less than being more than I am today.
  
• The first word in self-esteem is ‘self’. Others can neither create it or destroy it. But place the value of it in the hands of others and it will surely whither and die.
  
• A true friend is someone who will stand by you even when you are wrong…
  but will have the guts to tell you so to your face…
  and the patience to hang around until you understand it.
  
• You cannot make an assumption then seek out facts that adhere to the conclusion to prove the desired reality. You must seek out facts that adhere to actual reality to enforce your assertions and which therefore constitute proof.
  
• Before you can hope to discover the truth, you must first be willing to consider that what you know or what you have been taught may be a falsehood.
  
• The ‘meaning of life’ is easy :
  
  At any given moment, in any circumstance – ‘do’ the best thing you can possibly do.

  The tricky part is figuring out the true meaning of what constitutes ‘best’.
  

• Anyone that straddles a fence between reason and unreason is always going to be incapable of achieving true reason whenever an issue arises that threatens to tear down the (false) security provided by the fence they straddle.
  
• The man who believes he is always right, very likely only relies on his own counsel for proof of it.
  
• To think without an intention to act is not living, it is dreaming. To act without the foresight to plan is not pursuing a goal, it is making a wish. To do without a desire to succeed is not progress, it is simply work. To accomplish without a gain for self is not achievement, it is slavery.
  
• It is not my ‘opinion’ that my life is mine. If someone wishes to assert that it is not, then the burden of proof is on them to prove that assertion — not the other way around.
  
• Know your limitations, but don’t define them based on things you ‘believe’ you “cannot” do. Define them based on things that are worthy of your time and energy.
  
• Base your actions upon what is real and can be observed but never deny your mind the freedom to imagine infinite possibilities.
  
• I owe no one anything that I do not mutually agree to owe them in exchange for what they offer to provide me in return. When someone provides me with nothing, I owe them nothing.
  
• The abdication of thought is the only unforgivable sin. And it remains unforgivable only as long as you perpetuate the practice of doing it.
  
• It is objective evidence that validates a hypothesis. Consensus only equates to acceptance of a premise, not it’s underlying validity.
  
• This is the only reality you have. To contrive others is mysticism and will likely not bear any relevance to what is before you in plain sight.
  
• To use ‘because God said so’ as a reason you must first :
  1) prove God exists
  2) prove God actually said it
  3) prove God was ‘right’
  (and if you can prove #3, the other two don’t matter)
  
• ‘Discovery’ entails the revelation and defining of things that are pre-existing in our universe. ‘Invention’ involves the integration and application of things previously discovered in a new way or for a new purpose.
  
• It necessarily follows that any person that seeks to trade value while adhering to the standards of a society that holds altruism as a virtue, ultimately trades away freedoms in that bargain.
  
• If the desire is to seek truth, the necessity of it is accuracy. Without accuracy, it is not the full and real truth. Therefore, one’s desire should include the minimizing of supposition and assumption while completely avoiding any notion of ‘blind faith’.
  
• Reality is all around you. In it is all there is to know.
  
• Being biased by evidence is not akin to false prejudices, with the exception of new evidence appearing that will require altering your original conclusions.
  
• One can spend a lifetime seeking a reason as to ‘why’ they are here. Or they can use their capacity ‘for’ reason to ‘do’ to the best of their ability while they are.
  
• If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be seen, stand up. If you just want to be appreciated, sit down and shut up.
  
• Occum’s razor does not speak to the proof or lack there of for any competing theories, but rather exists as a means of ranking the likiliness in the absence of proof one way or the other.
  
• The reliability of the source only serves to give me an indication as to the likelihood of a thing being so or not so, not the actuality of it. For that you need evidence one way or the other.
  
• Expression without purpose begets nothing but nonsense. Expression with purpose no matter how divergent is the essence of creativity. And when such expression achieves it’s intended purpose, it becomes art!
  
• “Existing” kills. You can deny it or seek to be conscientious about it minimizing your adverse impact and promoting a beneficial interaction in the natural scheme.
  
• Trying to have a debate with someone that claims no one can know anything is like trying to kill a dead man.
  
• The relativists’ paradox! Demanding with absolute certainty that there is no such thing as absolute certainty!
  
• A religious paradox : Why do so many church steeples have lightening rods on top?
  
• I have learned that I have it in me to be a prick to people who earn that treatment and deserve it, but I do not have it in me to do the ‘wrong’ thing regardless of what someone else does.
  
• I can’t help but think any way I slice it, that human civilization is at or near it’s peak. Either we continue contradictions and continue to implode into cyclical dark ages, or if we hold on just long enough we render ourselves obsolete through our own inventiveness. (the latter is the good version btw)
  
• The nihilist’s view in a nutshell : “Yeah, the majority voted to kill you but you had a vote too so that’s ok.”
  
• Critical Thinking in a Nutshell : When someone claims X=X, ask ‘Y’?
  
• Nothing is as insurmountable as trying to use reason to bridge a wall built on blind faith.
  
• I don’t think it impossible to influence society to be more rational. I would have thought convincing an entire population of men over dozens of mellinia of the existence of invisible superbeings in the sky involved with the minutia of our cosmically irrelevant existences as impossible, but it happened with very little evidence.
  
• The entire notion of the ‘super natural’ is a non-sequitur to any discussion involving proof. That which bears no evident proof in reality, is irrelevant to reality. (therefore, any proof of so-called ‘supernatural’ things is proof that they are not super in relation to reality/nature)
  
• Assaults on the “virtues” underlying the ideas of one’s opposition, when those virtues are based on ‘sound reason’ are an assault on reason itself!
  
• Falling is the fastest way down from any elevated position.
  
• A woman who waits for a good man has read too many storybooks. A woman who looks for a good man will likely not find one. A woman that makes herself worthy of a good man will be overwhelmed with willing candidates. And the woman that makes herself wise as part of that worth will have no trouble recognizing the best among them.
  
• In any exchange (interaction) between two people, the question of ‘worth’ is going to be somewhere in the middle between what one sees as the value and what the other sees.
  As you choose to continue the relationship, the person with the higher sense of value is either going to need to lower their standard, or the person with the lower is going to have to be willing to raise theirs. Regardless of who is right, the reality is likely going to fall in the middle.
  The real question then becomes the worthiness of the exchange itself. If you must sacrifice your own concept of value to continue a relationship, it’s hardly worth it.
  
• Trust should not be earned based on how another feels about you or what they are willing to sacrifice on your behalf, but instead should rely upon their ability to consider your self-interest in the process of pursuing their own.
  

Government and Politics in General

• Power does not necessarily ‘corrupt’. Rather positions of power attract corruptible and power hungry men. And corrupt power hungry men should be given as little ‘power’ as possible.
  
• Government authority should be limited as much and as rigidly possible. For as soon as you grant someone authority to govern aspects of your life, that position is going to become very attractive to anyone who wishes to exercise such authority for their own benefit rather than for yours. (and such people will likely not be content with just the level of authority which was initially granted)
  
• The only legitimate role for government in a free society is to do for the people it serves, that which they cannot reasonably or should not morally do (or participate in doing) on their own behalf.
  
  see also:
  • Clarification on legitimate governance
• The only time a free man is not joyful in the presence of partisanship is when one party is trying to get government out of his way and the other is obstructing it.
  
• At the dawn of mankind as we climbed down out of the trees to stand upright, someone picked up a stick and said “we do things MY way” … until someone showed up with a bigger stick. As long as there are still men wielding sticks, WE need to have the bigger one if we wish to preserve OUR way of life.
  
• A progressive politician complaining that democracy has been subverted is like Al Capone complaining about high taxes.
  
• If it is a legitimate function of the state to protect you from the aggression of others then who protects you from the aggression from the state?
  
• The biggest mistake of any society is to allow ‘suffering’ to become a political currency.
  
• Thinking of American politicians and trying to imagine a ‘worst’ one is like two guys standing in a snowstorm :
  guy #1 : Ooooo look at that pretty snowflake!
  guy #2 : Which one?
  guy #1 : The white one!
  
• The main mechanism of government power is to limit the behavior of individuals or groups of individuals. A good government does so as “minimally” as possible so as to reduce the adverse effects (of individual behavior) on other individuals or groups. A bad government seeks to limit as much behavior as possible for it’s own sake.
  
• Me? a political extremist? Oh, I guess some folks need things sugar coated before they can swallow it. Of course, the same types will swallow crap as long as it has a pretty candy shell.
  
• Trading democratic liberal-secular-progressivist state control for republican conservative-judeau-progressivist state control is kind of like saying “How dare you poison me with arsenic???? I only take Strychnine!!!“
  
• You can’t legislate away stupidity, and to try to do so is to legislate away freedom.
  
• Sound governance in a free society does not entail government telling people how they should or shouldn’t live or what they can do, but focuses solely on those things they can’t. And any such restrictions require rational reasoning behind them with consequences for violations that effect those involved as minimally as is necessary to create the desired benefit(s) for all those involved and for society as a whole.
  
• Conservatism : ‘Wishing’ things could be the way you “believe” they once were.
  Liberalism : ‘Wishing’ things could be the way you “feel” they could be.
  Common Sense : Dealing with things based on what you know they actually are.
  
• Voting for either of the two main parties in America is like driving intentionally into traffic because you like how it feels when you are eventually led out.
  
• Just heard on the radio : “I used to be a liberal because it was easy. But now that I’m more conservative, I find it requires more thought and foresight.”
  
• The reality is, that even with the greatest of intentions, an egalitarian design on social engineering will ultimately have to face the reality of finite resources. A reality that inevitably leads to some level of utilitarian decision making when assigning those limited resources.
  
• Voices of dissent are never a threat to sound reason. Those who wish to silence dissent are!
  
• Regardless whether people who seek higher office think they ‘know better’, it is not the government’s job (as defined by our Constitution) to protect (the people) from themselves. The equality of free men deals with their access to opportunities such as accumulation of property or expression of ideas. It does NOT deal with their proficiency or ability to achieve and excel at those things!
  
• The free man always treats a leader that tries to subjugate him as his oppressor and expends his every thought, action, effort and word to dis-empowering the despot, enlightening the duped and restoring his own freedom.
  
• It is the nature of the servile to ever and always seek out a master. They will whine and complain to their keepers as to the condition of their bondage and the shrewd taskmaster will appeal to their whims just enough to ensure their loyalty and servitude.
  
• The opposite of Anarchy is Apathy.
  
• My flag is not a symbol of my ‘government’. My reverence for my flag is not a reverence for the men who govern my nation. My flag represents the cause of freedom for free men. And yes, destroy my flag and I see you as an enemy of freedom or, at least, a clueless dolt who is not worthy of my respect.
  
• Some of the greatest works of fiction resulted from the authors incorporating facets of their own background and life experience to make the stories more believable. I can’t help but think the same applies to accusatory rhetoric by way of political mudslinging.
  
• Eight of the most frightening words in American english : “House Democrats have come up with a bill…”
  
• The biggest threat to society and to reasonable people when facing an uncertain future, is for them to forget where they have been and to forget what they know to be true as a result of it.
  
• The history of mankind entails an endless stream of depravities, atrocities and abominations resulting from the unreasonable selfish desires of a very few manipulative and power hungry men, facilitated by such person’s ability to inspire, cultivate and in turn exploit the irrational emotions and beliefs of the masses for the selfish yet undeserved benefit of those wielding such power.
  
• Proud to be allergic to taxes
  
  see also:
  • Allergic to Taxes
• The only justifiable form of censorship is personal choice. Turn away, tune it out, turn it down or turn it off!
  

Laissez Faire and Free Market Capitalism

• The ‘free’ society does not reward or rain down adulation upon the successful man, it merely stays out of his way so he may enjoy his own rewards from his successes.
  
• If you follow a supply chain all the way back, the cost of any product sold ultimately consists of 100% profit (discounting the costs of government). If there’s such a thing as ‘too much profit’, and the entire cost of any good is ‘all profit’, what does that say for producing anything?
  
  see also:
  • 100\% Profit
• One must fulfill all their basic needs to continue existing. Fulfilling beyond what you need, any way you slice it is greed. I would argue the better definition of truly ‘living’ is found moreso in the latter than just in the former.
  
• A responsible consumer does not need a regulated industry! A company with no customers (in a truly free market) FAILS! No more! Gone! A company that behaves irresponsibly in the eyes of it’s consumers only needs it’s consumers to act (responsibly) on that perception to either influence a change in the behavior of the company or to render it to extinction.
  
• A truly free society is one where every man has equal opportunity to pursue his goals, and where no man has special privilege granted to assist in achieving them.
  
• Businesses that do not succeed – fail. Governments that do not succeed – blame business.
  
• Individual selfish behavior is a fact and facit of every human ego, rational selfishness is a virtue and the only means to a truly free society and demonizing or outlawing selfishness is the surest way to despotism and tyranny.
  
• Rational understanding is the natural arbiter of fear. Rational understanding of value is the unmistakable arbiter of greed.
  
• The only reasonable ‘minimum’ wage is the lowest amount ‘you’ are willing to make for a given amount of work. If no one is offering that much or more, you either need to find a new market for your skills or learn new skills for you to market!
  

Socialism and Progressivism

• ‘Need’ does not supersede ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
  
• In order to argue for the moral superiority of socialism, one would have to argue for the moral superiority of state sponsored coercion to force people to uphold the socialist ideal of what constitutes good moral behavior.
  
• The problem with abdicating responsibility is that you eventually run out of people to blame.
  
• Socialism is a ‘dream’ that we can somehow mix freedom(s) with state control – a hodgepodge of liberty and totalitarianism. Communism didn’t work, so let’s instead envision a nice in-between that somehow maintains freedom rather than (as has been shown historically) creeps gradually toward a totalitarian extreme.
  
• If it’s OK for government to take half our income and spend it, why not just have them take all of it? If you can justify one, the other is equally as justified. There’s a word for someone that earns nothing for their efforts, receives only what their benefactors grant them and has only a limited say in their own behavior…
  
• The Keynesian model of deficit spending shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s just “redistribution of prosperity” – if the people tomorrow have it better than we do today, that’s unfair! They must pay to help us today!
  
• It is more immoral to advocate the job of ‘stealing’ from those that have (what they need) to give to those that do not… than to leave those that do not have (what they need) to deal with the consequences.
  
• The only answer that ever needs to be given as to ‘why’ we need to stop this out-of-control social welfare spending : U.S. National Debt Clock: Real Time
  
  see also:
  • U.S. National Debt Clock: Real Time
• Charity is laudable, ‘social welfare’ is not. Charity is helping others with the willful consent of the giver. Social welfare is helping others by mandate of law and is therefore only possible with the coerced consent of the governed.
  
• If profit is receiving value for efforts and expenditures, and social welfare is providing for those in need… what happens when a society views ‘profiting’ (from private efforts) as evil and providing for the needy (from public funds) as ‘good’ and therefore changes the societal motive from making such an individual ‘effort’ to establishing an individual ‘need’?
  
• For a social-progressive to draw criticism on ‘capitalism’ by pointing to our current social and economic systems is akin to a Tonya Harding commenting on Nancy Karrigan’s performance and ability only after breaking both of her shins.
  
• Socialist reforms are just a red herring used by oligarchical fascists in democratic societies as a means to obtain (more) power.
  
• On Sacrifice and Altruism : A requirement or ‘duty’ to forfeit your life (or part of it) is a requirement to die. The rest is just a matter of degrees.
  
  see also:
  • Money = Life
  • Objectivism 1010: Sacrifice
• Fulfilling someone’s immediate needs does not necessarily equate to compassion. Helping enable someone to fulfill their own long term needs (that facilitated the immediacy) does.
  
• Compassion should not be defined by what you can ‘give’ or ‘do’ for someone else, but by what good that which you give or do actually does for them.
  
• There is a bright side to raising your kids as communists. They are much better at sharing their toys!
  

Just Plain Silly…

• Converse logic suggests that if you can actually get real monkeys to fly out your butt, you can make just about anything happen by just suggesting it might.
  
• Sometimes you just gotta stop eating your jello, put the bowl on the floor, take off your socks and stand up in it just to see how it feels!
  
  see also:
  • Sometimes you just got to spin
• Has anyone seen my trained pet attack-platypus? He chewed through his chain leash and got loose again!
  
• I’m crazy like Charlie Sheen baby, let’s party!
  
• A woman on a street corner downtown told me once : “if you’re gonna suck in life, make sure you are damn good at it… it pays better!”
  
• Sometimes the quickest way to fire up someone’s mind is by spanking their ass.
  
• I cracked myself up in a dream the other night. In it, some kid on a street corner told someone smoking in my car “You should put that out, it will kill you!” as his father stood by proudly and my passenger cowered in shame. It was then that I leaned over and told the kid “Ya know, blindly following what other people say – not to mention, sticking your nose in other peoples business – can get you killed too!”
  
• A definite sign you are getting older. You wake up the day after your birthday feeling hungover, and you didn’t go out drinking the night before!
  
• Another sign you’re getting older : You actually find yourself thinking “railings are handy inventions” as you’re going down the stairs.
  
• The really good thing about the voices is, no one else can hear them but me. If everyone else heard them too, then they’d all know that I was nuts.
  
• Cats are like kids, they are just great… as long as they are somebody else’s!
  
• What the hell is a ‘comfort zone’? That word just strikes me as something akin to a ‘wet spot’ or something that someone wearing a snuggie convinces themselves they are in.
  
• I just saw an Intel advertisement promoting their new ‘gesture recognition technology’. One of my dreams coming true! I can install that along with voice recognition so my computer can not only hear me cussing at it but can see when I am flipping it off for not doing what I want it to do!
  
• My stupid observation for the day. Why do some companies that make baby wipes put impressions of cutsey little animal shapes on them? Does the baby’s ass care?
  
• Amazon listed a ‘suggestion’ to me the other day and the title read “How to get a Literary Agent” – my first thought? “Pay his fee”
  
• Question : How do you phonetically spell the manner in which Tom Brockaw says words like ‘lure’?
  
• The perfect woman is one with no Aphe-Ichthyophobia, no Scoleciphobia, no Hematophobia and no Visceraphobia. She can also drag a deer out of a thick swamp without whining that the person who shot it should have to gut it and bring it to the car.
  
• If you get in a bizarre accident that makes you physically unable to ever fart again, does that mean you have a ‘dumb’ ass?
  
• So I’m watching a documentary and the narrator says that a praying mantis is hungry then ‘hears a rustle nearby’ as the camera pans to show a beetle under a leaf. I think “Now how do they know that bug’s name is Russell?”
  
• If it looks like shit, and it smells like shit, it’s probably best to just walk around it and therefore avoid messing up a perfectly good pair of shoes.
  
• Bluetooth mouse drift + Microsoft Character Map = High Tech Oiuja!
  
• Idea : Patent the ‘business process of creating patents on existing commonplace processes then suing companies for violating the patent’ …. then turn around and sue all the patent troll companies for violating your patented process.
  
• I tried to be gentle, but you kept biting me and pulling my hair!
  
• Al Gore told me that methane from animal waste was dangerous to the polar bears. So I’m going to do my part to save the world by only farting indoors.
  
• I am considering applying for a grant from the government. I made a 3 bean chili yesterday and the ‘results’ generated enough ‘alternative fuels’ to be a possible solution to the US energy crisis.
  
• For the record, I’ve never watched American Idol. Wasn’t Troy Aikman a winner on that? (come to think of it, I don’t watch sports either. Aikman? He was a golfer wasn’t he? Oh wait! No… I’m thinking of Jack Nicholson!)
  
• Do your own thing – and when they call you weird…. say “thank you!”
  
• Who the hell wants to be ‘normal’? I know a lot of ‘normal’ people… they bore the crap out of me!
  
• When someone is trying to name something, occasionally the ideal word that refers to the primary focus of the concept is already in use, so they have to instead go to a secondary principle. I sometimes wonder if this is how they ultimately named hemorrhaging tissues centered around your ass.
  
• In the name of political correctness, from this moment forward the word ‘slut’ is no longer considered appropriate. Someone promiscuous should now be referred to as ‘horizontally gifted’.
  
• The ultimate reality show : Find former child-star 20-somethings living in Jersey shore and get them to travel the country ‘picking’ parts from salvage yards and auction houses. When they reach Vegas, have them stop at a pawn shop to get the stuff appraised. Then drop them on a deserted island with Bear Grylls where live in the same house which turns out to be haunted by the ghost of Billy Mays. Make them build custom motorcycles from the parts they collected then have them put on a show where they try to prove or disprove whether you can sing and dance on the bikes. The ghost of Billy Mays judges the contest with the help of John Edwards and the TAPS team. The winner gets to go crab fishing with Mike Rowe.
  
• Does a jackass zealot in the woods make a sound when 7 billion people worldwide no longer care to listen to anything they have to say?
  
• When it comes to hunting, male testosterone rubs me the wrong way. I hunt for the joy of being in the outdoors and the occasional benefit of getting lunch out of the deal. (and presently I haven’t seen a single recipe that makes antlers very palatable)
  
• This squirrel walks right up to me this morning and asks “Are you nuts?“
  I mentioned this to another guy at work and he says, “Oh really? So, what did you tell him?”
  I said, “Tell him? And answer such a rude question from some squirrel I don’t even know?? Do you think I’m crazy???”
  
• Martyrdom is for people who aren’t creative enough to fuck with people who are wrong.
  
• I think I’m going to get a tattoo with some kind of Asian language glyphs that translates to “I don’t know” just so I can answer people who ask “what does it mean?”
  
• Go measure your penis somewhere else. My mind is bigger than your dick.
  
• My problem isn’t that I’m shy (I’m not), I’m just too weird for most girls!
  
• Word for the day via a ‘Fashion tip’ for you women wanting to look spruce and smart… “titivate” that old dress!
  
• A friendly reminder! Never strap firearms to your hamster!
  
  see also:
  • Never Strap Firearms to Your Hamster

Sniglets for the day…

• Purscavation (verb) : the process the woman in front of you in line goes through when you are in a hurry and she is trying to dig down in her handbag to find exact change.
  
• Fabricite (noun) : those parasitic fabric softener sheets that attach themselves to various places on your clothing where you don’t see them until someone points them out after you arrive at work.
  
• Spocketlunking (verb) : the process of digging through the pants pockets in the clothes basket when you need change to buy munchies or are about to do laundry.
  
• Clintonian-is-ism (noun) : the metaphysical school of philosophy where you may redefine reality to suit your immediate personal or political needs (example : “it depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is”)
  
• Catholisthenics (noun) – the new health craze sweeping the nation amongst devout Christians. Sunday morning exercise consisting of a series of standing, sitting and kneeling while being read inspirational sermons. Free bread and wine served afterward.