Why is it I so hate ‘that’ word? I run from it – I run away from it. I discount it, dismiss it. I revile it and spit on it! I cast it down and turn it out. I turn my back upon it and I won’t give it my attention.
But yet I can’t let go of the littlest part of it that still holds it somewhere near me.
It is part of hope, an ingredient of dreams. A source of inspiration. Or is it?
It’s also a road to destruction for those who embrace it fully. It causes blindness and leads to ignorance. It yields great intolerance and levels destruction. It is beyond ‘un-reason’ and fosters denial. Yet I still hold limply to it’s coat tail.
Perhaps to deny it is to admit fallibility. To completely denounce it is to face the inevitable, the unthinkable. “Some things you just won’t ever fully understand.” “Some things you can never fix!” “Sometimes there is just nothing you can do!” No, I refuse to believe…
Yes, that’s it’s source, it’s energy, it’s core. Not the truth. Not the facts, not the way things really are, really can be, really should be. To ‘believe’ is not to fully ‘know’ – it’s nothing more than a guess, yet that is the basis of the damnable word! Not knowing, not actually seeing – simply ‘believing’.
Yet I refuse to believe there’s ever an instance where there’s nothing you can’t eventually understand. I refuse to believe there’s ever a situation that eventually can’t be fixed. I refuse to submit to something that I cannot do! Yes, I believe – I believe I do not believe in that forsaken word!
Damn that damnable word!!!!
(Can you guess the word? I ‘think’ you can!)