Today is a day off and I’m in the house working on the computer. The occasional outdoor noise wanders it’s way in through the walls while I work. Not too long ago, a single blow from a whistle like a policeman’s whistle was heard. I didn’t mind it much but unconsciously already had an idea what it was. By the second report of the whistle I was certain.
Some kid in the neighborhood had either been given, or got a-hold of a whistle and was now going to blow it incessantly for as long as he could get away with it. And alas, I was right.
Before too long another kid apparently scrounged up a whistle somewhere and it became a duet. It hadn’t bothered me at first – no. It simply drew my attention because I knew that it would quite likely continue onward to the point where it would bother anyone to the point of manic twitches.
Somewhere amidst trying not to think too much about it, images started to congeal in my mind. I saw the front of a convenience store and began to imagine a scene, potentially edited out of the original Clerks movie:
Dante is out in front of the convenience store talking to Randall as a young kid is running around blowing the whistle. Jay and silent Bob are about 20 yards down below the window to the video store head thumping to some acid rock on their boom box.
Dante is of course having one of his typical self-deprecating, pseudo-philosophical rants when Randall interrupts with something akin to my comment above.
Randall: “See, it’s like this here. The noise doesn’t bother me. Unnecessary noise perpetuated for lord knows what by attention-deprived-little-look-at-me-pre-adolescent-mommy-spoils-me-but-doesn’t-pay-enough-attention-to-me-so-I’m-going-to-be-as-annoying-as-f%^king-possible bothers me.“
As he finishes saying this, you can see Jay in the background stop bobbing his head and start walking toward the circling kids placing himself in front of the one with the whistle. The camera switches to Jay and the kid.
Jay: “Let me see that.” The kid resists but jay says more sternly “Give me the whistle!“
The kid reluctantly hands over the whistle, Jay shoves it first down the back of his pants, obviously rubbing it up and down the sweat filled crack of his ass, then shoves it down the front rubbing it considerably up and down his crotch before pulling it out to look at it briefly. Then he hands it back to the dismayed kid before walking nonchalantly back toward the wall.
Dante to Jay: “aww come on“
Dante: “Did you have to do that?“
Jay: “What? The kid won’t know the difference. He’ll probably still blow it anyway. But at least that gives me satisfaction to put up with it.“
Randall walks over and gives Jay a high five, pausing briefly to look disgusted as Jay first raises the ‘wiping’ hand offering to him the other hand raised instead. Jay reluctantly slaps with the other hand. Silent Bob just shakes his head and rolls his eyes and starts to play a harmonica to the music on the boom box.